


Lady

by ChokolatteJedi



Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, I don't even know what to tag this, Implied everything in backstory, POV Bothari
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-26
Updated: 2013-10-26
Packaged: 2017-12-30 14:03:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1019504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bothari's POV of the meeting with Elena Visconti</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lady

**Author's Note:**

> My first Vorkosigan Saga fic! I blame Lanna and the others for getting me hooked when I should have been canon reviewing for Yuletide ;)
> 
> For the 1MW word of the day "Solace"
> 
> Set in the middle of "Warrior's Apprentice"

Bothari contemplated the needler she had trained on him. He made no move to retrieve his own weapon. Part of him knew that he wouldn't reach it again in time. Part of him didn't want to reach it: was glad he had dropped it in the first place. His mind churned with confusion and pain - he had been working on repressing their mental training for years, so that he could do his job properly again, but the old flashes of red and black were still there, hovering in the back of his consciousness.

He hadn't even recognized her at first - so deep was their conditioning - but with the dawning realization came another. Elena. His Elena. She was about to watch him die. She and Miles. He had sworn how many times over to watch out for these two children, and now he was about to die in front of them. Needlers were messy.

And his Elena. Bothari wasn't the smartest man, but he knew Miles. Miles had greeted the Elena in the door, so he had been expecting her. Bothari wasn't sure how his young master knew, because those files were supposed to be layered with classified passcodes and roadblocks, but if anyone could figure it out, it was Miles. He knew, somehow, that the Elena in the door was his Elena's mother. Bothari wasn't sure if Miles had told his Elena yet, but if not, she would realize soon. She had always been a sharp girl - he'd been so proud of that. She was about to watch her father die, and it was to be done at the hand of her own mother.

He had never wanted that for her. He had wanted her to believe the lie about her brave mother dying in a crash. Never wanted his Elena to know what he was capable of, or what her mother was capable of. This moment was nothing he didn't deserve, but his Elena deserved none of it.

The Elena in the door - who he had always wished could be 'his' but who would never be - steadied her arm, and Bothari knew that the moment was here. He had faced down hundreds, maybe thousands of weapons, and this was the first time he had been certain of his death.

Oddly, with that thought, came a moment of calm. He was going to die. His soul was going to go wherever souls went. He wasn't certain he believed in his Lady's afterlife, but he believed in enough.

Miles had promised to return him to Barrayar. Had promised to look after his Elena too. And his Lady had promised him. She promised he could lie at her feet like the dog he was. He would die, and he would wait. And some day, she would join him, or find him, if her soul went to a different - better - place than his. And he would be her guard again.

"Lady, you are still beautiful." Even as he said it, he wasn't sure if he referred to the Elena that haunted his dreams and nightmares, or to the Lady that he would wait for.

The needler fired.


End file.
